Prepare to Expand

For some, childbearing is inevitable. The realization bears down on them suddenly like an avalanche out of the blue. Other people may wait and work for years towards the goal of making a new little human. Still, once the process begins, it picks up momentum and scale, and all control over life seems to get lost in its chaotic power.

You may go into a state of mourning when you realize that your days of being alone and unfettered are over. You may feel wild creative energy bud and blossom within you when you notice your first parenting thoughts are surfacing. Morning sickness might feel like torture that keeps you from engaging in life, decimating your sense of self. Or maybe the “glow” of pregnancy has you feeling the most confident you’ve ever felt. It’s not uncommon for all of these things to be experienced by the same person in the same week.

So on this roller coaster speeding toward forever, what can be done to deal with the perpetual unpredictability and the fast-approaching reality of birth and parenting?

In a society where pregnancy and birth are seen as essentially a medical event, the reflex is to go to the doctor, download an app, and poll friends and family for their experiences. Even if advice is not desired, it’s almost certainly given, and it’s nearly impossible to shake. This is when any cognitive dissonance can lead to fear and powerlessness, or alternatively, an animalistic drive to find and fight for what feels right in your gut.

My advice? Listen. To. Her.

Once you find just enough quiet and courage to tune in to the options you want to explore, information you want to pursue, and people you want contributions from, the real preparation begins. Steps can look like finding a childbirth class curriculum that resonates with you, and a provider for health care that really satisfies your desire for a personalized experience. Having brave and crucial conversations with your partner may also be a pivotal part of awakening the confident parent within. You see, it’s not just the information you get from an app, class, or ultrasound that really makes you ready for the task. It’s the skills you build in seeking, finding, and defending your choices that lend themselves to better birthing and raising of babies.

In pregnancy, birth, and postpartum, you are constantly expanding. Not just your body, but your mind, your family, your identity, all ever-expanding rapidly and with no regard for your readiness. All you can do is set your best intention to prepare for the wild, unpredictable adventure it is bound to become. As you begin to notice the instruction manuals failing and the advice conflicting, do not despair. Instead, leverage this dissonance to finally distinguish the voice of intuition from fear, and follow that like a north star. You’re likely to find your way to yourself as a parent along the journey.